I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
