so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
