woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
