one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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