I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
