A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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