You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
