Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
