dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
