You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
