Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize