So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
