hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
