Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
