Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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