I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
