Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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