Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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