I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
