Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
