I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
