Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
