I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
