Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize