; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
