i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
