Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
