Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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