Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
