The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
