I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
