Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
