uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
