I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
