woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
