Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
