I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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