I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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