Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
