I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
