lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
