I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
