don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
