Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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