I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize