sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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