Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
