ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
