dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
