So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
