You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
