Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.

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(330): View more from Ohio

She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..

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(954): View more from Florida

I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR

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(705): View more from Ontario

I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?

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(530): View more from California

I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?

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(315): View more from New York

So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...

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