yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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