She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize