i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
