I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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