what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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