Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
