It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
