I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
