today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
