I hate all girls vehemently.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
only if we run a train.
done.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
