how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
