shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
