after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it because I queefed?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i've created a new STD.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
