I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
